hypermegaglobal.net

Many sources claim that Osama died in 2001. What they don't say is what happened next: he turned into a zombie. Maybe that's what dialysis in a cave does to you. If you think this is crazy, let me remind you that Dick Cheney has no heartbeat anymore.

Anyhow, zombie Osama explains a lot of things:

• That video in 2007 where he looked "different": That's what turning into a zombie does to you. He obviously had to use a lot of makeup and overdid it on the beard colorant.
  
  
• He was unarmed during the shootout, but was shot instead of being captured: No amount of training can prepare you for an encounter with zombie Osama. I would've shot him, too, while screaming like a little girl.
  
  
• He was shot in the head: Duh.
  
  
• No pictures released: Would be "too gruesome".
  
  
• Body dumped in the ocean: An independent autopsy would've determined that he'd been dead for years. Everyone would've believe those crazy conspiracy theories about "keeping his body in a freezer to present him at an opportune moment".
  

Zombie Osama - the best explanation we have.