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"We dare" could be so much better on the XBox 360 Kinect

2011-02-25

"We dare" could be so much better on the XBox 360 Kinect

This is not another Wii parody video, it's an actual Ubisoft game about to go on sale (Wii and PS3):

I know, it's not funny and "a formulaic, horribly uncomfortable middle school birthday party — made so much worse by the fact that it’s for adults". You can preorder it now on amazon.co.uk, .de and .fr.

More importantly though: Why is this not coming out on the Xbox 360 Kinect?

I just gave up on my Wii (after it died again and is now out of warranty) and bought a Xbox 360 Kinect instead. Despite the low number of interesting Kinect games, I still think this was the right decision, especially considering that I just moved and what little furniture I had looks a bit lost in my larger living room. Thanks to the Xbox, I can now get away with telling my friends that "this area is intentionally left empty, it's my Kinect playing space".

Getting back on topic, the controller-less Kinect would be so much better for a title like this:

  • It could actually watch you kiss each other instead of forcing you to kiss a Wiimote, thereby reducing health risks.
  • There would be no need to shove a controller down the back of your pants before the spanking starts. The intensity could be determined by following hand movement and analyzing the sound (including the screaming).
  • It could automatically take pictures of the action and upload them to the internet. This feature would certainly be appreciated if you had too much to drink (required for playing) and woke up the next morning wondering why your butt hurts.

To answer my own question: both the Wii and PS3 come from Japan, the land of cruel prank shows and weirdo porn. The XBox comes from the U.S., a country which "spent four times more on Clinton's blowjob than [it] did investigating the financial crisis". The only other explanation is that Microsoft think that "We Dare" is a very, very bad game.

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