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Good news: El Pishtaco has saved us all

2009-11-20

Good news: El Pishtaco has saved us all

Permalink 17:16:43 by Stephan, Categories: English , Tags: crisis, economy, el pishtaco, fat, murder, peru

Peru's National Police claim to have busted a gang which killed obese people, extracted their fat and sold it to "European cosmetics companies".

Wondering why this is good news? Well, the media has focused on the gruesome aspects of this story, totally missing the real news: American consumers can start spending again! With fat worth $15.000 a liter, it won't be long before they will be able to take out mortgages on their bodies. As 32.7% of Americans are overweight, 34% obese and a lucky 6% extremely obese, the United States are in a unique position to reclaim their status as an economic heavyweight.

The institutions formerly known as investment banks are probably already preparing structured financial products to leverage American fat wealth. All that Ben Bernanke has to do now is to bolster confidence in the dollar by showing a few images from the "People of Walmart".

The economic crisis is therefore over. The next Nobel prize for economics peace prize should go to the allegedly confessed murderer in Peru. Yes, he may be - according to a psychological evaluation - "a cynic who tends to lie", he has certainly heard the old wives' tales about the Pishtaco and he may even have watched (or read) "Fight Club", but he did what no one else could: jump start the global growth engine.

Have a nice weekend.

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